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4 Ways to Follow Your Dreams

The key to getting out of any hole is realizing that you haven't just fallen; you've fallen into something. In fact, if there were such a thing as an opportunity index, it would stand at about 7.5 out of 10 now, says Guy Kawasaki, entrepreneur and author of The Art of the Start and Reality Check. Despite the recession, he claims it's a better-than-average time to be entrepreneurial and pursue your dreams. Not only is there less "noise" in the marketplace because of fewer competitors, but resources are relatively inexpensive. Plus, if you've recently been downsized, you have time to develop your idea and perhaps even a bit of severance money to help fund it.

 

"Successful entrepreneurs generally ignore the numbers the government puts out on economic growth and unemployment," says Kawasaki. "I'm not advocating sticking your head in the sand, but what do those numbers really have to do with you? Listen to the reports, know the landscape, plug your ears, and go on ahead." Ready to get started?

 

The Dream: Opening a business

The Scheme: The biggest challenge here is consumers' current hesitancy to spend. If they were more willing to spend, the opportunity index would be closer to 10. But even in a choosy environment, Kawasaki says, there's always room for better and best. "In times like these, people cut back on the frivolous, and there's a flight to quality." And while it's important to have a business plan, he advocates crafting a business mantra too. In addition to the product or service you're providing, think about what kind of meaning you're making. Having a true mission in your mission statement is another way to rise above the competition.

 

The Dream: Selling an idea

The Scheme: Maybe you can't risk opening your own business but have an idea for one you'd like to develop and market to someone else. How do you get attention in this economy? "Choose a name with verb potential," says Kawasaki. For an example, look no further than Google. A name that connotes action and is a little quirky has a better chance of being remembered. Test your name in this sentence: "_____ it."

 

The Dream: Going back to school

The Scheme: If you're out of work, invest in your future by expanding your existing skills or acquiring new ones. The value of knowledge has never been higher. Community colleges and online courses abound, and the Lifetime Learning Credit entitles anyone below a certain income who is taking classes (for a degree or not) to a tax credit of 20 percent on the first $10,000 of expenses.

 

The Dream: Giving something back

The Scheme: When times get tough, write your obituary. You heard us. Sit down, think hard, and list three things you want people to remember you for. This will help prioritize your life. Then find ways to follow through on your goals. If you can't contribute money to charity, give time. A bonus is that volunteering is a great way to network. You'll meet new people with new ideas, plus the effort will freshen your spirit.

19 Ways to Enhance Your Sense of Humor

The Best Medicine

What is the greatest reward of being alive? Is it chocolate, sex, ice cream, tropical vacations, hugs from children, a perfect night's sleep, or the satisfaction of a job well done? A thousand people, a thousand different answers. But one supreme pleasure that spans all people is laughter. 

Little can compare to the feeling of a deep, complete, heartfelt laughing spell. No matter your age, wealth, race, or living situation, life is good when laughter is frequent. 

Life is also healthier. Research finds that humor can help you cope better with pain, enhance your immune system, reduce stress, even help you live longer. Laughter, doctors and psychologists agree, is an essential component of a healthy, happy life.

 

As Mark Twain once said, "Studying humor is like dissecting a frog -- you may know a lot but you end up with a dead frog." Nonetheless, we're giving it a try. Here are 19 tips for getting -- or growing -- your sense of humor, based partly on the idea that you can't be funny if you don't understand what funny is. 

1. First, regain your smile. A smile and a laugh aren't the same thing, but they do live in the same neighborhood. Be sure to smile at simple pleasures -- the sight of kids playing, a loved one or friend approaching, the successful completion of a task, the witnessing of something amazing or humorous. Smiles indicate that stress and the weight of the world haven't overcome you. If your day isn't marked by at least a few dozen, then you need to explore whether you are depressed or overly stressed. 

2. Treat yourself to a comedy festival. Rent movies like Meet the Parents; Young Frankenstein; Pee-Wee's Big Adventure; Monty Python and the Holy Grail; This Is Spinal Tap; Animal House; Blazing Saddles; Trading Places; Finding Nemo. Reward yourself frequently with the gift of laughter, Hollywood style. 

3. Recall several of the most embarrassing moments in your life. Then find the humor in them. Now practice telling stories describing them in a humorous way. It might take a little exaggeration or dramatization, but that's what good storytelling is all about. By revealing your vulnerable moments and being self-deprecating, you open yourself up much more to the humorous aspects of life. 

4. Anytime something annoying and frustrating occurs, turn it on its head and find the humor. Sure, you can be angry at getting splashed with mud, stepping in dog poop, or inadvertently throwing a red towel in with the white laundry. In fact, that is probably the most normal response. But it doesn't accomplish anything other than to put you in a sour mood. Better to find a way to laugh at life's little annoyances. One way to do that: Think about it as if it happened to someone else, someone you like -- or maybe someone you don't. In fact, keep running through the Rolodex in your head until you find the best person you can think of to put in your current predicament. Laugh at him, then laugh at yourself! 

5. Read the comics every day and cut out the ones that remind you of your life. Post them on a bulletin board or the refrigerator or anywhere else you can see them frequently. 

6. Sort through family photographs and write funny captions or one-liners to go with your favorites. When you need a pick-me-up, pull out the album. 

7. Every night at dinner, make family members share one funny or even embarrassing moment of their day. 

8. When a person offends you or makes you angry, respond with humor rather than hostility. For instance, if someone is always late, say, "Well, I'm glad you're not running an airline." Life is too short to turn every personal affront into a battle. However, if you are constantly offended by someone in particular, yes, take it seriously and take appropriate action. But for occasional troubles, or if nothing you do can change the person or situation, take the humor response. 

9. Check out the Top 10 list archive from David Letterman. You can find it at lateshow.cbs.com. 

10. Spend 15 minutes a day having a giggling session. Here's how you do it: You and another person (partner, kid, friend, etc.) lie on the floor with your head on her stomach, and her head on another person's stomach and so on (the more people the better). The first person says, "Ha." The next person says, "Ha-ha." The third person says, "Ha-ha-ha." And so on. We guarantee you'll be laughing in no time. 

11. Read the activity listings page in the newspaper and choose some laugh-inducing events to attend. It could be the circus, a movie, a stand-up comic, or a funny play. Sometimes it takes a professional to get you to regain your sense of humor. 

12. Add an item to your daily to-do list: Find something humorous. Don't mark it off until you do it, suggests Jeanne Robertson, a humor expert and author of several books on the topic. 

13. When you run into friends or coworkers, ask them to tell you one funny thing that has happened to them in the past couple of weeks. Become known as a person who wants to hear humorous true stories as opposed to an individual who prefers to hear gossip, suggests Robertson. 

14. Find a humor buddy. This is someone you can call just to tell him something funny; someone who will also call you with funny stories of things he's seen or experienced, says Robertson. 

15. Exaggerate and overstate problems. Making the situation bigger than life can help us to regain a humorous perspective, says Patty Wooten, R.N., an award-winning humorist and author of Compassionate Laughter: Jest for the Health of It. Cartoon caricatures, slapstick comedy, and clowning articles are all based on exaggeration, she notes. 

16. Develop a silly routine to break a dark mood. It could be something as silly as speaking with a Swedish accent (unless you are Swedish, of course).

17. Create a humor environment. Have a ha-ha bulletin board where you only post funny sayings or signs, suggests Allen Klein, an award-winning professional speaker and author of The Healing Power of Humor. His favorite funny sign: "Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it." 

18. Experiment with jokes. Learn one simple joke each week and spread it around. One of Klein's favorites relates to his baldness: "What do you call a line of rabbits walking backward? A receding hare line." 

19. Focus humor on yourself. "Because of my lack of hair," Klein says, "I tell people that I'm a former expert on how to cure baldness."

The Best Medicine What is the greatest reward of being alive? Is it chocolate, sex, ice cream, tropical vacations, hugs from children, a perfect night's sleep, or the satisfaction of a job well done? A thousand people, a thousand different answers. But one supreme pleasure that spans all people is laughter. Little can compare to the feeling of a deep, complete, heartfelt laughing spell. No matter your age, wealth, race, or living situation, life is good when laughter is frequent. Life is also healthier. Research finds that humor can help you cope better with pain, enhance your immune system, reduce stress, even help you live longer. Laughter, doctors and psychologists agree, is an essential component of a healthy, happy life. As Mark Twain once said, "Studying humor is like dissecting a frog -- you may know a lot but you end up with a dead frog." Nonetheless, we're giving it a try. Here are 19 tips for getting -- or growing -- your sense of humor, based partly on the idea that you can't be funny if you don't understand what funny is. 1. First, regain your smile. A smile and a laugh aren't the same thing, but they do live in the same neighborhood. Be sure to smile at simple pleasures -- the sight of kids playing, a loved one or friend approaching, the successful completion of a task, the witnessing of something amazing or humorous. Smiles indicate that stress and the weight of the world haven't overcome you. If your day isn't marked by at least a few dozen, then you need to explore whether you are depressed or overly stressed. 2. Treat yourself to a comedy festival. Rent movies like Meet the Parents; Young Frankenstein; Pee-Wee's Big Adventure; Monty Python and the Holy Grail; This Is Spinal Tap; Animal House; Blazing Saddles; Trading Places; Finding Nemo. Reward yourself frequently with the gift of laughter, Hollywood style. 3. Recall several of the most embarrassing moments in your life. Then find the humor in them. Now practice telling stories describing them in a humorous way. It might take a little exaggeration or dramatization, but that's what good storytelling is all about. By revealing your vulnerable moments and being self-deprecating, you open yourself up much more to the humorous aspects of life. 4. Anytime something annoying and frustrating occurs, turn it on its head and find the humor. Sure, you can be angry at getting splashed with mud, stepping in dog poop, or inadvertently throwing a red towel in with the white laundry. In fact, that is probably the most normal response. But it doesn't accomplish anything other than to put you in a sour mood. Better to find a way to laugh at life's little annoyances. One way to do that: Think about it as if it happened to someone else, someone you like -- or maybe someone you don't. In fact, keep running through the Rolodex in your head until you find the best person you can think of to put in your current predicament. Laugh at him, then laugh at yourself! 5. Read the comics every day and cut out the ones that remind you of your life. Post them on a bulletin board or the refrigerator or anywhere else you can see them frequently. 6. Sort through family photographs and write funny captions or one-liners to go with your favorites. When you need a pick-me-up, pull out the album. 7. Every night at dinner, make family members share one funny or even embarrassing moment of their day. 8. When a person offends you or makes you angry, respond with humor rather than hostility. For instance, if someone is always late, say, "Well, I'm glad you're not running an airline." Life is too short to turn every personal affront into a battle. However, if you are constantly offended by someone in particular, yes, take it seriously and take appropriate action. But for occasional troubles, or if nothing you do can change the person or situation, take the humor response. 9. Check out the Top 10 list archive from David Letterman. You can find it at lateshow.cbs.com. 10. Spend 15 minutes a day having a giggling session. Here's how you do it: You and another person (partner, kid, friend, etc.) lie on the floor with your head on her stomach, and her head on another person's stomach and so on (the more people the better). The first person says, "Ha." The next person says, "Ha-ha." The third person says, "Ha-ha-ha." And so on. We guarantee you'll be laughing in no time. 11. Read the activity listings page in the newspaper and choose some laugh-inducing events to attend. It could be the circus, a movie, a stand-up comic, or a funny play. Sometimes it takes a professional to get you to regain your sense of humor. 12. Add an item to your daily to-do list: Find something humorous. Don't mark it off until you do it, suggests Jeanne Robertson, a humor expert and author of several books on the topic. 13. When you run into friends or coworkers, ask them to tell you one funny thing that has happened to them in the past couple of weeks. Become known as a person who wants to hear humorous true stories as opposed to an individual who prefers to hear gossip, suggests Robertson. 14. Find a humor buddy. This is someone you can call just to tell him something funny; someone who will also call you with funny stories of things he's seen or experienced, says Robertson. 15. Exaggerate and overstate problems. Making the situation bigger than life can help us to regain a humorous perspective, says Patty Wooten, R.N., an award-winning humorist and author of Compassionate Laughter: Jest for the Health of It. Cartoon caricatures, slapstick comedy, and clowning articles are all based on exaggeration, she notes. 16. Develop a silly routine to break a dark mood. It could be something as silly as speaking with a Swedish accent (unless you are Swedish, of course). 17. Create a humor environment. Have a ha-ha bulletin board where you only post funny sayings or signs, suggests Allen Klein, an award-winning professional speaker and author of The Healing Power of Humor. His favorite funny sign: "Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it." 18. Experiment with jokes. Learn one simple joke each week and spread it around. One of Klein's favorites relates to his baldness: "What do you call a line of rabbits walking backward? A receding hare line." 19. Focus humor on yourself. "Because of my lack of hair," Klein says, "I tell people that I'm a former expert on how to cure baldness."

Are long-distance relationships healthy?

At first glance, a long-distance relationship appears full of excitement, but the stress of dealing with the unknown, and putting one’s life on hold until you’re together again can cause all sorts of health upsets, both emotionally and physically. Toronto marriage counsellor Beth Mares says that there are pros and cons to such a union. "For some people, a long-distance relationship is easier," says Mares. "Some individuals need a lot of space, and don’t have the self-assurance to establish [that need] when they’re living with someone." She also notes that people who value their careers above relationships find geographically challenged dalliances ideal, as they don’t compete with their job for attention.
However, "most people aren’t satisfied with that," says Mares. "Most are pretty anxious to get together." While the more independent-minded or career-driven might like this arrangement, many people find the negatives strongly outweigh any advantages. The ultimate goal is for both parties to leave behind the long distance love story, and unite in the same city.




How to make a long-distance relationship work
The key to avoiding destructive actions or thoughts is to keep the relationship on track. It takes plenty of effort, but the results speak for themselves. Maintaining the lines of healthy communication between in-person visits is a breeze with today’s social media. Twitter, Facebook, instant messaging (IM) and Skype make connecting with one another easy and affordable. Mares recommends that couples, "find out how they spent their day," and not treat each conversation as a happy-go-lucky extension of a date. Like all successful, healthy relationships, a solid foundation based on the day-to-day sharing of each other’s triumphs and failures is key.
Consequently, it’s no surprise that if couples don’t communicate fully, their health will begin to suffer. The stress that results from worries over fidelity, trust and where the union is heading can manifest into sleeplessness, weight loss, anxiety and even depression. While these ailments are concerning, Mares states that there’s no data to suggest that they are dangerous, or life-threatening, but they could facilitate a permanent break-up.




From long-distance to long-term relationship


ltimately, Mares says, it’s imperative for the health of the couple and their relationship to eventually live together in the same locale to see if their bond can survive normal daily pressures. "It’s not like a weekend where you’re devoted to each other and then longing for each other the rest of the week," she says. "Things might be different when you live together. You need to find out if it’s going to work."
It’s encouraging that marriages following distant courtships have the same success rate as unions established in the same area code—provided they don’t rush down the aisle as soon as they cohabitate. "If they move in together first and it works well," says Mares. "[The future marriage] would work as well as any other marriage."

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.
What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.
Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teenagers. Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.
Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're still growing and changing every day, and it can be tough to put two people together whose identities are both still in the process of forming. You two might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move.
Relationships can be one of the best — and most challenging — parts of your world. They can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people.
Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not! Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.
Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship. Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's an important warning sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

• get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
• criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
• keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?
• want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
• ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
• try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe.
It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything he or she doesn't want to do.

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love - But Is It?

Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who's right for you — and who thinks you're right for him or her! So when it happens, you're usually so psyched that you don't even mind when your little brother finishes all the ice cream or your English teacher chooses the one day when you didn't do your reading to give you a pop quiz.
It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these seven qualities:

• Mutual respect. Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
• Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

• Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
• Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
• Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
• Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
• Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems

Why do couples break up? These ten types of relationship problems don’t just explain why couples break up. They help couples avoid the relationship problems that lead to Splitsville and the pain of letting go of someone you love. Remember: all couples face relationship problems, but not all problems lead to breaking up!
Before the tips, a quip:
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~ Friedrich W. Nietzsche.
If you’re not treating your partner like a friend (with respect, love, generosity, honesty, acceptance, unselfishness, etc), then you’re weakening the foundation of your relationship. For better communication tips, read Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict. And, here are ten types of relationship problems…

 

Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems

The source of these problems for couples is Human Sexuality (2nd Edition) by Roger Hock – this book contains everything you need to know about intimate relationships!
1. Breaking promises, lying, cheating in relationships. These obvious violations of trust almost always result in relationship problems. If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken, the problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together decreases. Couples in loving relationships can learn to reconcile their differences – and even survive an affair – without anger or bitterness.
2. Imbalance of power in relationships. Relationship problems arise when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person makes all the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, and vacations, the relationship can become unstable. Both partners should equally share the decision-making power.
3. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence. Couples can break up because one partner feels unworthy of being loved. This insecurity can lead to possessiveness and dependence, which isn’t healthy for couples in love relationshipsWhy do couples break up? These ten types of relationship problems don’t just explain why couples break up. They help couples avoid the relationship problems that lead to Splitsville and the pain of letting go of someone you love. Remember: all couples face relationship problems, but not all problems lead to breaking up! Before the tips, a quip: “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~ Friedrich W. Nietzsche. If you’re not treating your partner like a friend (with respect, love, generosity, honesty, acceptance, unselfishness, etc), then you’re weakening the foundation of your relationship. For better communication tips, read Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict. And, here are ten types of relationship problems… Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems The source of these problems for couples is Human Sexuality (2nd Edition) by Roger Hock – this book contains everything you need to know about intimate relationships! 1. Breaking promises, lying, cheating in relationships. These obvious violations of trust almost always result in relationship problems. If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken, the problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together decreases. Couples in loving relationships can learn to reconcile their differences – and even survive an affair – without anger or bitterness. 2. Imbalance of power in relationships. Relationship problems arise when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person makes all the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, and vacations, the relationship can become unstable. Both partners should equally share the decision-making power. 3. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence. Couples can break up because one partner feels unworthy of being loved. This insecurity can lead to possessiveness and dependence, which isn’t healthy for couples in love relationships.

How to Find Solutions to Relationship and Family Problems

Knowing how to find solutions to relationship and family problems is the best way to achieve personal and professional goals. But, the right solutions to life’s problems are different for everybody…and finding the right solutions may require trying different things until you find what works for you!
Below are six tips for solving life problems. Before the tips, a quip:
“Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” ~ Charles Schulz.
You may not know what gears you aren’t using – which explains why you aren’t using them! To find and use the right gears, you could read books like Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.
I love reading and listening to Cloud and Townsend – and I encourage you to give them a try. Changing how you respond to your life – including the problems you’re having with your love relationship and family – can make all the difference in the world. Another good book is Being Happy: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life.
And here are six other problem-solving tips to try…

 

How to Find Solutions to Relationship and Family Problems

 

 

1. Get in-person or online counseling support. I’m not a certified counselor or life coach, and I can’t offer online counseling here. But, there are hundreds of online counselors and psychologists who can help you solve your relationship and family problems – and I suspect there are many counselors, life coaches, and psychologists in your area. You don’t need to commit to years of therapy; sometimes all you need is a session or two to give you the guidance and support you need.
2. Find a support group. I’ve recently joined a “support group” (it’s more of a book club) of women who need to set and stick to healthy boundaries. Talking with people who have similar problems and experiences is a great way to find solutions! My support group is studying Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, and we discuss both the book and our personal life experiences. A support group can help you solve problems and make you feel less alone.
3. Look for books that address your relationship or family problem. I’m a huge fan of reading books that directly relate to what I’m going through! My husband and I are dealing with infertility, and so we both read books on living a childless life. My mom is mentally ill, so I’ve read a ton of literature on how schizophrenia affects family life – and I even got a degree in Psychology! If you need to find solutions to relationship and family problems, go to the library and look for the right books.
4. Remove yourself from the situation – find ways to get unstuck. I often get comments and questions about bad breakups, unhealthy relationships, toxic parents, family problems, and other situations that I can’t provide adequate advice for. So many people say they’re “stuck”, they can’t get out, and they don’t know what to do. One possibility is to remove themselves from the situation – as difficult as it may be! That may mean letting go of someone you love because it’s a bad relationship. Or, it could mean changing the expectations you have of your loved ones. Sometimes the only solution for relationship and family problems is to take a step back and give yourself time to breathe and think. In the meantime, get in-person or online counseling help!
5. Talk to a marriage coach if you’re having relationship problems. I’ve heard nothing but good about marriage coach Mert Fertel, who helps couples rebuild unhappy relationships. If online marriage counseling doesn’t work for you, then talk to a life coach, your pastor, or even a wise trusted mentor. To solve your problems and achieve your goals, you need to find the right people who can help you!
6. Get as emotionally and physically healthy as possible – without trying to change other people. You can’t change your partners, friends, or family members. It’s futile to wish they were different or try to change them into different people. But, you can change your expectations, your responses, your attitudes, and your thoughts. And that’s where books like Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life1. Get in-person or online counseling support. I’m not a certified counselor or life coach, and I can’t offer online counseling here. But, there are hundreds of online counselors and psychologists who can help you solve your relationship and family problems – and I suspect there are many counselors, life coaches, and psychologists in your area. You don’t need to commit to years of therapy; sometimes all you need is a session or two to give you the guidance and support you need. 2. Find a support group. I’ve recently joined a “support group” (it’s more of a book club) of women who need to set and stick to healthy boundaries. Talking with people who have similar problems and experiences is a great way to find solutions! My support group is studying Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, and we discuss both the book and our personal life experiences. A support group can help you solve problems and make you feel less alone. 3. Look for books that address your relationship or family problem. I’m a huge fan of reading books that directly relate to what I’m going through! My husband and I are dealing with infertility, and so we both read books on living a childless life. My mom is mentally ill, so I’ve read a ton of literature on how schizophrenia affects family life – and I even got a degree in Psychology! If you need to find solutions to relationship and family problems, go to the library and look for the right books. 4. Remove yourself from the situation – find ways to get unstuck. I often get comments and questions about bad breakups, unhealthy relationships, toxic parents, family problems, and other situations that I can’t provide adequate advice for. So many people say they’re “stuck”, they can’t get out, and they don’t know what to do. One possibility is to remove themselves from the situation – as difficult as it may be! That may mean letting go of someone you love because it’s a bad relationship. Or, it could mean changing the expectations you have of your loved ones. Sometimes the only solution for relationship and family problems is to take a step back and give yourself time to breathe and think. In the meantime, get in-person or online counseling help! 5. Talk to a marriage coach if you’re having relationship problems. I’ve heard nothing but good about marriage coach Mert Fertel, who helps couples rebuild unhappy relationships. If online marriage counseling doesn’t work for you, then talk to a life coach, your pastor, or even a wise trusted mentor. To solve your problems and achieve your goals, you need to find the right people who can help you! 6. Get as emotionally and physically healthy as possible – without trying to change other people. You can’t change your partners, friends, or family members. It’s futile to wish they were different or try to change them into different people. But, you can change your expectations, your responses, your attitudes, and your thoughts. And that’s where books like Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life come in! Get your mind, heart, body, and souls as physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy as possible – without worrying about trying to solve all your relationship and family problems.

How to Express Love – Examples of the Five Love Languages

These examples of the five love languages don’t just suggest how to express love, they show how to put the love languages into action! These tips are from Suite101 writers – some have been married for decades, others are single. Some are parents, and others don’t have kids. A little bit of love from everyone…

Before the tips, a quip:

“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love,” writes Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. “It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.”

“Words of affirmation” is one love language. It sounds complicated, but all it means is saying good, kind, loving things to your partner. Words of affirmation increase the chances that your partner will respond with his own words of love, creating an upward spiral! To learn more about the love languages, read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

And here are several practical ways to say “I love you”…

Examples of the Five Love Languages

How to Express Love With the “Words of Affirmation” Love Language

When was the last time you told your partner how wonderful he is, how much he means to you, and why you love him? Words of affirmation are encouraging, kind, and supportive. What does your partner do well? What do you love about him? Tell him.

Here’s an example of this love language from Gary Chapman: “Allison always wanted to be a writer, but after receiving her first rejection slip from the publisher, she gave up. One evening her husband Keith came into the den and said, “I just finished reading your article. Allison, you are an excellent writer. This stuff ought to be published! Your words paint pictures that I can visualize. You have to submit this stuff to some magazines.” Ten years later, Allison has had several articles published and has her first book contract. She credits her success to Keith’s words of encouragement. Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words.” Helping your partner achieve her goals is one of the best ways to say “I love you”!

How to Express Love With the “Gifts” Love Language

Sometimes gifts are an easy way to express love – unless you’re married to someone like me, who doesn’t want more stuff! But many people see gifts as a tangible object that says, “I was thinking about you. I love you.”

Here’s a creative way to say I love you: “I purchased a meteorite that was carved into a heart for a pendant,” says Kurtis Hemmerling, a Suite101 Contributing Writer. “Then I wrote a poem about how love is like the meteorite that comes from ‘heaven’ and must survive the intense heat and challenges.” Comparing your love to something as eternal and finite as the galaxy is a creative way to show love!

How to Express Love With the “Acts of Service” Love Language

This is my favorite way to receive love: practical acts of service. I love that my husband does the dishes every night and takes care of all the household repairs (even changing the lightbulbs!).

Sandra Williams, the Canadian Fiction Feature Writer on Suite101, agrees: “My ‘language of love’ is acts of service,” says. “Washing the dishes, doing the laundry, or scrubbing the floor is romantic. Adding chocolate to any of these would be a bonus.”

But wait, there’s more:

“Get that first cup of coffee in the morning and place it by his bedside,” says Elizabeth Batt, who writes about Inter-Child Relationships on Suite101. “Take the time to find gifts that have meaning. Say you’re sorry – and mean it. Bite your tongue. If you can’t bite your tongue, say it without malice. Do things you don’t want to do but you know will make him happy. Let him be when he wants to be left alone.”

How to Express Love With the “Quality Time” Love Language

Quality time is about the experiences you share with your sweetheart. How do you spend your time together? Quality time isn’t watching tv together over dinner, or sitting side-by-side while you work on your laptops.

Sometimes, quality time is about sacrifice…

“Sacrifice often spells love for me,” says Katrena Wells, who writes for Seniors’ Health/Medicare on Suite101. “When I see someone going to a nursing home every day to feed lunch to a spouse who has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t remember who he/she is any more, that’s true love in my book. It’s often about the things that few people ever know about that can make a deep impression. Love doesn’t have to have an audience or a standing ovation…it’s just simply living it.”

“My late husband and I owned a business for 31 years and I feel that our kids got the short end of our time. They may not agree, but nevertheless, now I can be there for the grandkids. Their sick days home from school, an overnight now and then when mom and dad need a night out. They know they can call on me.” ~ June Smith, a Suite101 Contributing Writer.

How to Express Love With the “Physical Touch” Love Language

“Numerous research projects in the area of child development have come to the same conclusion: babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact,” writes Chapman in The 5 Love Languages. “Almost instinctively in a time of crisis we hug one another. Why? Because physical touch is a powerful communicator of love.”

I’m not as into hugs and wrestling as my husband is, and I have to constantly remind myself to reach out physically. That’s the tricky part of the five love languages: expressing love in a way your partner receives love.

“I say I love you by massaging his tired back or hugging him for no reason, writing a poem, telling him I love him just out of the blue, or surprising him with gift or his favorite dish.” ~ Suite101 Contributing Writer Linette Rabsatt.

A final thought on expressing love…

“Sometimes love is allowing something to be done for you even when it is not exactly the thing you want or like,” says Christine Eirschele, Suite101 Feature Writer for Flower Gardens. “For example, your kids who make breakfast in bed but the eggs are wrong or the kitchen is a mess. Or the husband who wants to buy you something but you know the ‘something’ is something he really wants more.”

 Sandra Williams, the Canadian Fiction Feature Writer on Suite101, agrees: “My ‘language of love’ is acts of service,” says. “Washing the dishes, doing the laundry, or scrubbing the floor is romantic. Adding chocolate to any of these would be a bonus.” But wait, there’s more: “Get that first cup of coffee in the morning and place it by his bedside,” says Elizabeth Batt, who writes about Inter-Child Relationships on Suite101. “Take the time to find gifts that have meaning. Say you’re sorry – and mean it. Bite your tongue. If you can’t bite your tongue, say it without malice. Do things you don’t want to do but you know will make him happy. Let him be when he wants to be left alone.” How to Express Love With the “Quality Time” Love Language Quality time is about the experiences you share with your sweetheart. How do you spend your time together? Quality time isn’t watching tv together over dinner, or sitting side-by-side while you work on your laptops. Sometimes, quality time is about sacrifice… “Sacrifice often spells love for me,” says Katrena Wells, who writes for Seniors’ Health/Medicare on Suite101. “When I see someone going to a nursing home every day to feed lunch to a spouse who has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t remember who he/she is any more, that’s true love in my book. It’s often about the things that few people ever know about that can make a deep impression. Love doesn’t have to have an audience or a standing ovation…it’s just simply living it.” “My late husband and I owned a business for 31 years and I feel that our kids got the short end of our time. They may not agree, but nevertheless, now I can be there for the grandkids. Their sick days home from school, an overnight now and then when mom and dad need a night out. They know they can call on me.” ~ June Smith, a Suite101 Contributing Writer. How to Express Love With the “Physical Touch” Love Language “Numerous research projects in the area of child development have come to the same conclusion: babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact,” writes Chapman in The 5 Love Languages. “Almost instinctively in a time of crisis we hug one another. Why? Because physical touch is a powerful communicator of love.” I’m not as into hugs and wrestling as my husband is, and I have to constantly remind myself to reach out physically. That’s the tricky part of the five love languages: expressing love in a way your partner receives love. “I say I love you by massaging his tired back or hugging him for no reason, writing a poem, telling him I love him just out of the blue, or surprising him with gift or his favorite dish.” ~ Suite101 Contributing Writer Linette Rabsatt. A final thought on expressing love… “Sometimes love is allowing something to be done for you even when it is not exactly the thing you want or like,” says Christine Eirschele, Suite101 Feature Writer for Flower Gardens. “For example, your kids who make breakfast in bed but the eggs are wrong or the kitchen is a mess. Or the husband who wants to buy you something but you know the ‘something’ is something he really wants more.”

How to Let Go of Someone You Love – Letting Go of the Past

Knowing how to let go of someone you love is tough, but you’re not alone if you’re holding on to the past! It’s hard to let go, my friend. These tips for letting go and moving on apply to all types of loss, and include resources for healing a broken heart. 
Before the tips, a quip:
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” ~ Unknown 
This is one of my favorite quotations on letting go because it’s true – sometimes it’s worse (in the long run) to try to get back together than to keep slogging through the heartbreak. If you need to break free from the past, read Letting Go of Someone You Love – it offers 75 tips from psychologists, life coaches, and counselors.
And, here are tips for letting go of someone you love… 





1. Remember both the good and the bad parts of the relationship. When you’ve lost someone you love, it’s easy to focus on the great parts of your relationship and life together. But, there was a reason you broke up — maybe even several reasons! Don’t ignore the “bad” parts of the relationship and idealize the best parts…instead, keep reminding yourself that you’re letting go of the past because holding on to it isn’t good for you. 
2. Accept that your loss may always hurt or confuse you. Some things, we never ever get over — but we can still live full, rewarding lives and achieve our goals! Part of letting go of someone you love is accepthing that you may never have all the answers. For instance, my sister cut me out of her life five years ago. She told me she didn’t want to speak to me again and wouldn’t tell me why. That was the ultimate lesson in powerlessness and letting go…and that’s why I wrote Letting Go of Someone You Love.
3. Rebuild yourself. Your losses, heartbreaks, setbacks, and disappointments have made you a different person — a better, more unique, more compassionate person! Instead of mourning what was or what could have been, start something new in your life. Volunteer, take a solo vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, and set new life goals. Rebuild your life — set new life goals.
4. Accept your lack of control over other people. No matter how “good”, smart, helpful, giving, or attractive you are, you can’t control other people. If they leave you, they have their reasons…and sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with you. The sooner you accept your lack of control, the easier it’ll be to let go of the past.
Remember that letting go of someone you love doesn’t happen overnight. Letting go of the past isn’t something you do once – and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy! Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days. I grew up in foster homes, and was constantly saying hello and good-bye to new families, friends, and cities. I learned how to love, let go, and open my heart to love again. And I’ve survived those heart-wrenching, gut-twisting breakups that slam you to the ground and rip you to pieces!

1. Remember both the good and the bad parts of the relationship. When you’ve lost someone you love, it’s easy to focus on the great parts of your relationship and life together. But, there was a reason you broke up — maybe even several reasons! Don’t ignore the “bad” parts of the relationship and idealize the best parts…instead, keep reminding yourself that you’re letting go of the past because holding on to it isn’t good for you. 2. Accept that your loss may always hurt or confuse you. Some things, we never ever get over — but we can still live full, rewarding lives and achieve our goals! Part of letting go of someone you love is accepthing that you may never have all the answers. For instance, my sister cut me out of her life five years ago. She told me she didn’t want to speak to me again and wouldn’t tell me why. That was the ultimate lesson in powerlessness and letting go…and that’s why I wrote Letting Go of Someone You Love. 3. Rebuild yourself. Your losses, heartbreaks, setbacks, and disappointments have made you a different person — a better, more unique, more compassionate person! Instead of mourning what was or what could have been, start something new in your life. Volunteer, take a solo vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, and set new life goals. Rebuild your life — set new life goals. 4. Accept your lack of control over other people. No matter how “good”, smart, helpful, giving, or attractive you are, you can’t control other people. If they leave you, they have their reasons…and sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with you. The sooner you accept your lack of control, the easier it’ll be to let go of the past. Remember that letting go of someone you love doesn’t happen overnight. Letting go of the past isn’t something you do once – and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy! Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days. I grew up in foster homes, and was constantly saying hello and good-bye to new families, friends, and cities. I learned how to love, let go, and open my heart to love again. And I’ve survived those heart-wrenching, gut-twisting breakups that slam you to the ground and rip you to pieces!

10 Signs of Flirting in Men and Women:

Flirting is all about sending messages or nonverbal communication. 1. Raised eyebrows. Research shows that when a potential mate appears, people raise their eyebrows slightly. This sign of flirting can be an unconscious sign of interest on the flirter’s part. 2. Eye contact. You know she’s interested when she not only makes eye contact, but holds it for a significant amount of time. If you’re across the room from one another, regular brief instances of eye contact may be strong signs of flirting. 3. Hair flick. Women will flick their hair – you see this in movies all the time. Even women with really short hair can flick their hair. Remember Cameron Diaz in the first Charlie’s Angels movie? Total hair flick after she met the bartender – and her hair was almost as short as his! 4. Playing with accessories. This signal from the opposite sex involves playing with earrings, twirling hair, and fiddling with necklaces. Men may offer similar signs of flirting: playing with their neckties or jingling the change in their pocket. 5. Leaning in. If he leans close to you, he’s giving you a nonverbal message that he wants to be closer (this may seem to be an obvious sign of flirting, but it’s often misread). 6. Open body language. This is a significant sign of flirting for both men and women. The opposite of open body language (closed body language, which is easier to describe) is turning away, crossing arms or legs, or pulling back. 7. Sideways glances. You’ve seen the demure sideways glances – and perhaps you’ve even thrown a few. When you’re attracted to someone, it can be difficult to meet their eyes. Sideways glances are a strong sign of flirting. 8. Looking at lips or body parts. When you find yourself looking at his lips or jaw, you may be sending a flirting signal. This may be an unconscious sign of flirting – when you’re attracted to someone, you can’t help but to check out their assets! 9. Laughter. You laugh at their jokes, no matter how silly or unfunny. This sign of flirting isn’t all about attracting mates. Laughter can endear you to your boss or babysitter, which may make them acquiesce to your requests. 10. Light touches. This is a fairly obvious sign of flirting. Lightly touching someone’s arm, knee or shoulder shows interest. It’s a nonverbal signal that you’re open and friendly.

64 Ways to Say "I Love You"

1. Don't compare them to anyone.
2. Be courteous at all times.
3. Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt.
4. Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you).
5. Say "I love you" by giving your full attention when talking.
6. Become their biggest fan and cheerleader!
7. Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you.
8. Tell them how they bring love to your life.
9. Laugh about kids quotes on love or events.
10. Talk about your dayduring mealtimes.
11. Read books aloud together.
12. Say you're sorry.
13. Recall good and bad memories.
14. Let go of the past to say "I love you."
15. Do nothing together.
16. Encourage health in all its forms.
17. Trust your partner enough to cry together.
18. Act silly together.
19. Be lavish in praise.
20. Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts.
21. To say I love you, forget about labels.
22. Encourage adventures and risks!
23. Remember: there is one best way to say "I love you"!
24. Show your joy when they come home.
25. Bake cookies.
26. Leave stress at work to say "I love you."
27. Use flannel sheets in the winter.
28. Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku.
29. Show your gratitude for them.
30. Be a good sounding board.
31. To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it.
32. Compliment them in front of others.
33. Spend time with them.
34. Listen.
35. Ask for hugs and kisses.
36. Take vacations together.
37. Tell the truth to say I love you.
38. Use pet names to say "I love you."
39. Practice self-acceptance.
40. Hunt for treasure together.
41. Be interested in their interests.
42. To say I love you, let go of jealousy.
43. Accept their weaknesses and flaws.
44. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them.
45. Be yourself.
46. Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes.
47. To say "I love you", ignore slights.
48. Pray or meditate together.
49. Practice forgiveness.
50. Watch classic movies together.
51. Leave notes or send letters.
52. To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift.
53. Don't gossip or judge.
54. Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you.
55. Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood.
56. Learn something new together.
57. Go dancing.
58. Keep your promises to say I love you.
59. Make them laugh.
60. Consider their feelings.
61. Learn ways to rekindle the romance.
62. Hide a treat in their lunch.
63. To say "I love you," make home a fun place to be.
64. Let them make their own decisions.
65. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why.

Saying I love you takes work. It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to accept the consequences of your honesty and authenticity. It takes time, energy, and commitment to stay connected through all the problems that life and people bring. It can be painful, aggravating, and scary to stick it out through all the ups and downs....but the alternative is worse.
1. Don't compare them to anyone. 2. Be courteous at all times. 3. Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt. 4. Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you). 5. Say "I love you" by giving your full attention when talking. 6. Become their biggest fan and cheerleader! 7. Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you. 8. Tell them how they bring love to your life. 9. Laugh about kids quotes on love or events. 10. Talk about your dayduring mealtimes. 11. Read books aloud together. 12. Say you're sorry. 13. Recall good and bad memories. 14. Let go of the past to say "I love you." 15. Do nothing together. 16. Encourage health in all its forms. 17. Trust your partner enough to cry together. 18. Act silly together. 19. Be lavish in praise. 20. Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts. 21. To say I love you, forget about labels. 22. Encourage adventures and risks! 23. Remember: there is one best way to say "I love you"! 24. Show your joy when they come home. 25. Bake cookies. 26. Leave stress at work to say "I love you." 27. Use flannel sheets in the winter. 28. Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku. 29. Show your gratitude for them. 30. Be a good sounding board. 31. To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it. 32. Compliment them in front of others. 33. Spend time with them. 34. Listen. 35. Ask for hugs and kisses. 36. Take vacations together. 37. Tell the truth to say I love you. 38. Use pet names to say "I love you." 39. Practice self-acceptance. 40. Hunt for treasure together. 41. Be interested in their interests. 42. To say I love you, let go of jealousy. 43. Accept their weaknesses and flaws. 44. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them. 45. Be yourself. 46. Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes. 47. To say "I love you", ignore slights. 48. Pray or meditate together. 49. Practice forgiveness. 50. Watch classic movies together. 51. Leave notes or send letters. 52. To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift. 53. Don't gossip or judge. 54. Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you. 55. Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood. 56. Learn something new together. 57. Go dancing. 58. Keep your promises to say I love you. 59. Make them laugh. 60. Consider their feelings. 61. Learn ways to rekindle the romance. 62. Hide a treat in their lunch. 63. To say "I love you," make home a fun place to be. 64. Let them make their own decisions. 65. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why. Saying I love you takes work. It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to accept the consequences of your honesty and authenticity. It takes time, energy, and commitment to stay connected through all the problems that life and people bring. It can be painful, aggravating, and scary to stick it out through all the ups and downs....but the alternative is worse.

Appreciating Our Differences

This evening I went to see the movie, “Rachel Getting Married”. If “Caddy Shack” is your idea of a great film , this one is definitely not for you. The film is devastating and human and joyful and touching and hopeful all at the same time. I enjoy a certain amount of emotional wreckage, especially when my doses come from a distance, so for me, I feel that my movie money was well spent.

One of the sub-themes of this movie was the realization of the joy and comfort available to us when we are able to expand our ways of thinking so that we include other cultures and points of view in our value system. I will not reveal plot points, but this is story-telling that possesses wisdom and an attitude of respect. See it if you can.

What I experience over and over in my life and practice is the belief held by many that it is impossible to be emotionally intimate with someone who sees the world through a different lens. We seem to be living in a time where we expect others to “twin” with us. If they fail to do that, we immediately brand them as the “enemy”, and close our minds and hearts to all kinds of wonderful possibilities.

1. Don't compare them to anyone. 2. Be courteous at all times. 3. Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt. 4. Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you). 5. Say "I love you" by giving your full attention when talking. 6. Become their biggest fan and cheerleader! 7. Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you. 8. Tell them how they bring love to your life. 9. Laugh about kids quotes on love or events. 10. Talk about your dayduring mealtimes. 11. Read books aloud together. 12. Say you're sorry. 13. Recall good and bad memories. 14. Let go of the past to say "I love you." 15. Do nothing together. 16. Encourage health in all its forms. 17. Trust your partner enough to cry together. 18. Act silly together. 19. Be lavish in praise. 20. Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts. 21. To say I love you, forget about labels. 22. Encourage adventures and risks! 23. Remember: there is one best way to say "I love you"! 24. Show your joy when they come home. 25. Bake cookies. 26. Leave stress at work to say "I love you." 27. Use flannel sheets in the winter. 28. Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku. 29. Show your gratitude for them. 30. Be a good sounding board. 31. To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it. 32. Compliment them in front of others. 33. Spend time with them. 34. Listen. 35. Ask for hugs and kisses. 36. Take vacations together. 37. Tell the truth to say I love you. 38. Use pet names to say "I love you." 39. Practice self-acceptance. 40. Hunt for treasure together. 41. Be interested in their interests. 42. To say I love you, let go of jealousy. 43. Accept their weaknesses and flaws. 44. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them. 45. Be yourself. 46. Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes. 47. To say "I love you", ignore slights. 48. Pray or meditate together. 49. Practice forgiveness. 50. Watch classic movies together. 51. Leave notes or send letters. 52. To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift. 53. Don't gossip or judge. 54. Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you. 55. Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood. 56. Learn something new together. 57. Go dancing. 58. Keep your promises to say I love you. 59. Make them laugh. 60. Consider their feelings. 61. Learn ways to rekindle the romance. 62. Hide a treat in their lunch. 63. To say "I love you," make home a fun place to be. 64. Let them make their own decisions. 65. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why. Saying I love you takes work. It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to accept the consequences of your honesty and authenticity. It takes time, energy, and commitment to stay connected through all the problems that life and people bring. It can be painful, aggravating, and scary to stick it out through all the ups and downs....but the alternative is worse.

Understanding Adolescents

Adolescence is a time of change. Of primary importance to adolescents is their developing independence and autonomy, being heard, their friends, and their developing interests. For example, my neighbor’s fourteen year-old son is a drummer. She reports how there are times she feels he lives and breathes for his drums, and how when he is playing, nothing else matters. He has his moments of being self involved, where it is as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist. However, when a social opportunity is offered to him, he will compromise what he is doing as that social world is of utmost importance to him.

She also describes how in the midst of this burgeoning independence, there comes moodiness and volatility. One moment he appears to be calm, and settled and peaceful. He is happy to be part of the family. Another moment, he cannot tolerate the sight of his sibling or parents, and wants to get as far away as possible. It’s as if he fears he will be engulfed by these beings that are in a sense “cramping his style.” There are times he describes that he doesn’t know what he feels. Her descriptions sound like he may experience his inner moods like Chicago weather; volatile and forever shifting from sun to wind to snow, and on from there.






1. Don't compare them to anyone. 2. Be courteous at all times. 3. Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt. 4. Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you). 5. Say "I love you" by giving your full attention when talking. 6. Become their biggest fan and cheerleader! 7. Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you. 8. Tell them how they bring love to your life. 9. Laugh about kids quotes on love or events. 10. Talk about your dayduring mealtimes. 11. Read books aloud together. 12. Say you're sorry. 13. Recall good and bad memories. 14. Let go of the past to say "I love you." 15. Do nothing together. 16. Encourage health in all its forms. 17. Trust your partner enough to cry together. 18. Act silly together. 19. Be lavish in praise. 20. Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts. 21. To say I love you, forget about labels. 22. Encourage adventures and risks! 23. Remember: there is one best way to say "I love you"! 24. Show your joy when they come home. 25. Bake cookies. 26. Leave stress at work to say "I love you." 27. Use flannel sheets in the winter. 28. Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku. 29. Show your gratitude for them. 30. Be a good sounding board. 31. To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it. 32. Compliment them in front of others. 33. Spend time with them. 34. Listen. 35. Ask for hugs and kisses. 36. Take vacations together. 37. Tell the truth to say I love you. 38. Use pet names to say "I love you." 39. Practice self-acceptance. 40. Hunt for treasure together. 41. Be interested in their interests. 42. To say I love you, let go of jealousy. 43. Accept their weaknesses and flaws. 44. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them. 45. Be yourself. 46. Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes. 47. To say "I love you", ignore slights. 48. Pray or meditate together. 49. Practice forgiveness. 50. Watch classic movies together. 51. Leave notes or send letters. 52. To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift. 53. Don't gossip or judge. 54. Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you. 55. Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood. 56. Learn something new together. 57. Go dancing. 58. Keep your promises to say I love you. 59. Make them laugh. 60. Consider their feelings. 61. Learn ways to rekindle the romance. 62. Hide a treat in their lunch. 63. To say "I love you," make home a fun place to be. 64. Let them make their own decisions. 65. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why. Saying I love you takes work. It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to accept the consequences of your honesty and authenticity. It takes time, energy, and commitment to stay connected through all the problems that life and people bring. It can be painful, aggravating, and scary to stick it out through all the ups and downs....but the alternative is worse.