Are long-distance relationships healthy?

At first glance, a long-distance relationship appears full of excitement, but the stress of dealing with the unknown, and putting one’s life on hold until you’re together again can cause all sorts of health upsets, both emotionally and physically. Toronto marriage counsellor Beth Mares says that there are pros and cons to such a union. "For some people, a long-distance relationship is easier," says Mares. "Some individuals need a lot of space, and don’t have the self-assurance to establish [that need] when they’re living with someone." She also notes that people who value their careers above relationships find geographically challenged dalliances ideal, as they don’t compete with their job for attention.
However, "most people aren’t satisfied with that," says Mares. "Most are pretty anxious to get together." While the more independent-minded or career-driven might like this arrangement, many people find the negatives strongly outweigh any advantages. The ultimate goal is for both parties to leave behind the long distance love story, and unite in the same city.




How to make a long-distance relationship work
The key to avoiding destructive actions or thoughts is to keep the relationship on track. It takes plenty of effort, but the results speak for themselves. Maintaining the lines of healthy communication between in-person visits is a breeze with today’s social media. Twitter, Facebook, instant messaging (IM) and Skype make connecting with one another easy and affordable. Mares recommends that couples, "find out how they spent their day," and not treat each conversation as a happy-go-lucky extension of a date. Like all successful, healthy relationships, a solid foundation based on the day-to-day sharing of each other’s triumphs and failures is key.
Consequently, it’s no surprise that if couples don’t communicate fully, their health will begin to suffer. The stress that results from worries over fidelity, trust and where the union is heading can manifest into sleeplessness, weight loss, anxiety and even depression. While these ailments are concerning, Mares states that there’s no data to suggest that they are dangerous, or life-threatening, but they could facilitate a permanent break-up.




From long-distance to long-term relationship


ltimately, Mares says, it’s imperative for the health of the couple and their relationship to eventually live together in the same locale to see if their bond can survive normal daily pressures. "It’s not like a weekend where you’re devoted to each other and then longing for each other the rest of the week," she says. "Things might be different when you live together. You need to find out if it’s going to work."
It’s encouraging that marriages following distant courtships have the same success rate as unions established in the same area code—provided they don’t rush down the aisle as soon as they cohabitate. "If they move in together first and it works well," says Mares. "[The future marriage] would work as well as any other marriage."